5 Questions to Ask When You're Stuck and Can't Make a Decision
Have you ever gotten stuck in decision-making? Unable to actually take action on something?
It happens to me all the time! Sometimes, it’s the “Shoulds” telling me that I "should" be doing something that someone else is doing and then I’m paralyzed by false guilt. Sometimes it’s the “Coulds” offering me endless possibilities and paralyzing me with infinite choice.
And sometimes I just hit a wall and sweep everything under the carpet, because I just can't even. (Anyone else?)
Getting stuck in decision-making is something that comes up with my clients all the time, so I thought I would share 5 questions that often help bring clarity about why someone is stuck (the problem) and how to get-unstuck (the solution.)
(1) Am I stuck in possibility?
That is, am I still gathering options – still widening the field of possibility just for the sake of widening it?
Can I make a reasonable call that I have enough good options and go from there?
(2) Is it that I just don’t like any of the options?
And I think if I don’t act, a better option will eventually emerge?
Is this true? Can I afford to sit in indecision? Would I be better off making a decision to just shelve it and return in a set amount of time?
(3) Is guilt holding me back from the decision I want to make?
Is this legitimate guilt over sin, or false guilt over something that is a-moral? If it's false guilt, what can I do to give myself the permission I need to let it go?
(4) Is fear holding me back?
Am I letting fear do its legitimate job of holding me back from something actually harmful? Or is it trying to work out of bounds and stopping me from making a positive decision?
(5) Do I have uncertainty about possible options, or about possible outcomes?
If my uncertainty is regarding options, do I have enough options of good quality, or do I need to gather more options and/or more information? If my uncertainty is about outcomes, am I seeking certainty over something that I just can’t have? (Like other people’s reactions or the weather or anything remotely experimental?)
Next time you’re stuck in decision-making, try going through these questions.
#2 and 5 over here, mostly due to the sheer hugeness of housekeeping. I’m listening to an audiobook on the topic which emphasizes taking decisions out of the picture. For instance, laundry on Monday, floors on Tuesday, etc. Every day jobs of 5 minute cleanup, doing and finishing dishes, etc. They’re there and assigned so then I won’t have a choice. Of course there’s wiggle room for life stuff, but then the routine is still there when things calm down. Taking the decision overwhelm and fatigue out of the picture will be helpful. Still working on assigning jobs, following through with consequences, etc. because I just can’t do it all, too.