I loved getting to know Melody's story through this interview--and just saw the news re UNC last night: congratulations to both Drs. Grubaugh!
This really is such a wonderful series. I think each of us may have the tendency to think we're a "unicorn," and I love how each interview in this series has reminded that we're not exactly that--in the best way possible. Also, if you're not reading Fairer Disputations (where Melody Grubaugh is Managing Editor), you're missing out.
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing. I appreciated the reference to that Mothers Gauntlet piece - the self governance and discipline *available* in mothering - not *required* because you can get through without it, or fighting it.
I also think it is valuable to distinguish between living a life of the mind and doing intellectual things – sometimes the greater intellectual virtue is in deciding not to read another essay too quickly right now, and instead do something that seems un- intellectual, but to do it well and with attention.
I'm biased because they're both dear friends but I've really loved the last two interviews and seeing the range of meaningful labour that we can engage with. Looking forward to reading future ones!
The last part about self-governance (I remember sharing that essay in my newsletter!) and "benign neglect" and how to navigate the line between ignoring your children vs. allowing them to learn to play on their own and respect when you yourself are doing something is really important. Most of the mothers I see doing work from home (of varying types!) requires diligence and flexible structure, free play time, and a degree of boundaries for both children and the mother. I am always struck by the mothers of littles I will meet who seem to think a mother has to be actively doing something with their kids from sunup to sundown. They need a certain amount from their parents obviously, in terms of care and attention, outings, reading. But when they're playing outside or on their own... a mom can do other things! We don't have to *also* be their playmates all day. (Maybe this is my three-boys-in-three-years self talking, as I don't know what it's like to have a large age gap where a child is by themselves! Maybe this makes a difference in parenting styles and expectations in the younger years.)
Anyways, I loved her honestly here. And, I'm always honored whenever someone says they enjoy my newsletter, as I am far less educated and experienced as many of these women. Truly, part of the reason I even have my project is because I don't know where else to put these interests. So the comment about desiring to work in some capacity resonates. I've realized that while I'm not "working" in any way for a paycheck (I was never career oriented at. all.) doing what I do here is essentially a part-time job I can't *not* do. So I'll do it until I figure out how to gain some marketable skills for other meaningful work that pays... or not... who knows.
Do you think that the rise in parents feeling the need to be a constant playmate is tied to having fewer kids more spaced out- as a cultural thing?
I think I might need to write an essay on this, but I’m always telling people that what makes something “work” is not financial remuneration. There’s a pre and post lapsarian relation to work in us… without letting myself go off on a tangent, I’ll just say that many of us are grateful for your newsletter work! :)
I would hate to paint with too broad a brush, and people certainly can't always have the children they want at the times they would have welcomed them — but generally, yeah, I've noticed this somewhat. Even just on a very basic level of seeing a mom or parents at the park with one child, say 3 or 4 years-old... following him around and interacting at every turn. And I'm just there like.... I came here so they would play on their own! I will not be playing with them non-stop for the next hour. haha
I’ve never been a PhD student, but that comparison of working on a dissertation and the timeline of motherhood was so good! Thank you Melody and Kerri!
Thanks, Rachel! I thought so too. I hope others will be encouraged because it’s certainly an outside the box way to prepare for motherhood, but really any exercise in virtue is helpful.
Finally got around to reading this as it’s been in my saved folder for about a month🤦🏽♀️ Such a great conversation. I was listening to Erika Bachiochi talk yesterday and I’m so happy to discover all these women who have prioritized both motherhood and the intellectual life. I felt alone in that for so many years! Love this series!
I loved getting to know Melody's story through this interview--and just saw the news re UNC last night: congratulations to both Drs. Grubaugh!
This really is such a wonderful series. I think each of us may have the tendency to think we're a "unicorn," and I love how each interview in this series has reminded that we're not exactly that--in the best way possible. Also, if you're not reading Fairer Disputations (where Melody Grubaugh is Managing Editor), you're missing out.
Thank you, Nadya! I’m so glad readers can find encouragement and comraderie of sorts here.
Yes, congratulations to both the Drs. Grubaugh!!
Loved hearing your story Melody! Thank you for the mention, honoured to be included in a list of such wonderful writers!
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing. I appreciated the reference to that Mothers Gauntlet piece - the self governance and discipline *available* in mothering - not *required* because you can get through without it, or fighting it.
I also think it is valuable to distinguish between living a life of the mind and doing intellectual things – sometimes the greater intellectual virtue is in deciding not to read another essay too quickly right now, and instead do something that seems un- intellectual, but to do it well and with attention.
Well said!
This is awesome!
I think so too :)
I'm biased because they're both dear friends but I've really loved the last two interviews and seeing the range of meaningful labour that we can engage with. Looking forward to reading future ones!
Thank you, Beatrice! It’s a gift to be able to host them and their stories in this space- I love showing the variety!
The last part about self-governance (I remember sharing that essay in my newsletter!) and "benign neglect" and how to navigate the line between ignoring your children vs. allowing them to learn to play on their own and respect when you yourself are doing something is really important. Most of the mothers I see doing work from home (of varying types!) requires diligence and flexible structure, free play time, and a degree of boundaries for both children and the mother. I am always struck by the mothers of littles I will meet who seem to think a mother has to be actively doing something with their kids from sunup to sundown. They need a certain amount from their parents obviously, in terms of care and attention, outings, reading. But when they're playing outside or on their own... a mom can do other things! We don't have to *also* be their playmates all day. (Maybe this is my three-boys-in-three-years self talking, as I don't know what it's like to have a large age gap where a child is by themselves! Maybe this makes a difference in parenting styles and expectations in the younger years.)
Anyways, I loved her honestly here. And, I'm always honored whenever someone says they enjoy my newsletter, as I am far less educated and experienced as many of these women. Truly, part of the reason I even have my project is because I don't know where else to put these interests. So the comment about desiring to work in some capacity resonates. I've realized that while I'm not "working" in any way for a paycheck (I was never career oriented at. all.) doing what I do here is essentially a part-time job I can't *not* do. So I'll do it until I figure out how to gain some marketable skills for other meaningful work that pays... or not... who knows.
Do you think that the rise in parents feeling the need to be a constant playmate is tied to having fewer kids more spaced out- as a cultural thing?
I think I might need to write an essay on this, but I’m always telling people that what makes something “work” is not financial remuneration. There’s a pre and post lapsarian relation to work in us… without letting myself go off on a tangent, I’ll just say that many of us are grateful for your newsletter work! :)
I would hate to paint with too broad a brush, and people certainly can't always have the children they want at the times they would have welcomed them — but generally, yeah, I've noticed this somewhat. Even just on a very basic level of seeing a mom or parents at the park with one child, say 3 or 4 years-old... following him around and interacting at every turn. And I'm just there like.... I came here so they would play on their own! I will not be playing with them non-stop for the next hour. haha
I’ve never been a PhD student, but that comparison of working on a dissertation and the timeline of motherhood was so good! Thank you Melody and Kerri!
Thanks, Rachel! I thought so too. I hope others will be encouraged because it’s certainly an outside the box way to prepare for motherhood, but really any exercise in virtue is helpful.
Finally got around to reading this as it’s been in my saved folder for about a month🤦🏽♀️ Such a great conversation. I was listening to Erika Bachiochi talk yesterday and I’m so happy to discover all these women who have prioritized both motherhood and the intellectual life. I felt alone in that for so many years! Love this series!
So glad you can find encouragement in these voices! I think there are a good number of women doing these things, each in her own creative way!