Life Outside the Box: An Interview with Taryn DeLong
Trade-offs, Working in the Margins, and Saying Yes to Help
Welcome to Life Outside the Box, where we celebrate living as whole people and not just a one-dimensional job title.
The overwhelmingly positive response to my essay, Leaning (In and) Out, (Not) Having it All, suggested to me that there are a lot of women (and men) who are keen to set aside the societal pressure to hustle hard and put all their energies and decades of life exclusively into one single career box.
This series offers interviews with those who have chosen a life outside the box, in a variety of ways. It’s my hope that in getting to peek into the lives of others, we’ll all be inspired to step outside the pressure chambers we may feel stuck in - even if our lives are very different in practice from those shared here.
Encouragement, permission, examples - I hope whatever it is you need to step outside the box, you’ll find it here.
Today I’m welcoming Taryn DeLong, wife, mother, and Co-President and Editor-in-Chief of Catholic Women in Business.
I loved reading about Taryn’s discernment process regarding her decision to leave full time work and weighing up the trade-offs of investing in a home that was a good fit for their family. She’s got some wise words about saying “yes” to help, too!
(1) What does your life outside the box currently look like? Tell us about a day/ week in your life.
Ever since our daughter was born in 2021, I’ve been her full-time caregiver (though my husband works mostly from home as well!). Our routine changes as she does, but most days, we spend the mornings playing at home, running errands, going to storytime at our local library, and having playdates with friends.
I also host a weekly “Bible study playgroup,” in which other “stay-at-home mom” friends come over for Bible study while our toddlers and babies play together. We have lunch with my husband, and then my daughter has an afternoon nap.
During her nap is when I do most of my work—writing, editing, and running Catholic Women in Business with my co-president. In the evenings, I try to relax with my husband—reading, watching something on TV, or playing a game together. Some evenings, I host a virtual event for Catholic Women in Business or have a podcast interview or other work to do. I also do a Holy Hour one evening a week at our parish. And, of course, in between all of that is keeping up with the housework with my husband and cooking for our family.
(2) How did you get there? What intentional choices did you make?
It took a while for my husband and me to discern that I could quit working full time. The discernment process involved a lot of number-crunching and prayer. We make sacrifices financially to make it work (for instance, we bought a lovely house outside of the city, which is sometimes inconvenient but also costs less). For us, at least now, it’s been exactly what was right for our family.
Regarding both of those decisions, honestly, the answers came after a lot of prayer, and they came suddenly. I felt a lot of anguish and anxiety and then literally woke up one morning with peace. That kind of sudden, divine clarity has only happened a few times in my life, and it’s been an enormous gift each time!
In addition to prayer, they were also the fruit of a lot of conversation about our priorities. It’s important to us that we have a home that has room for our family to grow, if God gives us more children; that has room for us to host family and friends; and that has a room for my husband to work from home, so that he can work near us. With those priorities, we knew we’d need to leave the city, because homes of that size in Raleigh were just too expensive for a single income. (To be frank, they would probably have been out of our reach even if I’d been working full time, because over half of my salary would have been going to child care.) If we’d had different priorities (for instance, if my husband couldn’t or preferred not to work from home, or if we prioritized living near city amenities like museums and the symphony over having space to entertain), we may have chosen differently.
When it comes to leaving the full-time workforce, I’m in an interesting place where I find myself wanting to defend both full-time working moms and “stay-at-home” moms frequently! I firmly believe that there are many ways to be a loving mother—and not everyone can afford to make the choice that they’d prefer, anyway. As I said, my salary would have covered child care but not left a whole lot left over, so once we realized we could meet that gap, it was a financial no-brainer. I also came from the type of career (editing and writing) where I can work in the margins (usually around 10-15 hours per week) and still get a substantial amount of work done. It was important to my husband that we not rely on my income at all, in order to free me up to do work that I felt called to do, rather than work that we needed me to do—which is a blessing. So, I’m able to devote non-childcare and non-housework time to work that I find life-giving and that I feel called to do. My business partner works in a different job full time and also has children, so we both run the business in the time and space that we can. It means it’s growing very slowly, but it also means that we don’t overcommit ourselves and respect each other’s priorities.
(3) What are you intentionally choosing to say “yes” and (maybe more importantly!) “no” to in this season of your life?
I’m intentionally saying “yes” to help. I’m having my second endometriosis surgery at the end of November, and I asked some friends to come over the following week to help take care of my daughter while I recover. I also said “yes” when a friend asked if she could make a meal train. It’s easy to think that not asking for or accepting help is just being self-sufficient—but sometimes, it’s being prideful (at least, it is for me). Having the humility to ask for help helps break down self-reliance and build up relationships.
I’m intentionally saying “no” to always having my phone on me. I say that my husband and our daughter are the most important people in my life, and they are—but I don’t always act as if they are my priority. Of course, multitasking is sometimes necessary—but I’ve found that too often, I make excuses for not being fully mentally present to these people I love so much.
(4) When you were a child/ younger, what vision did you have for your life? Did you always want to live outside the box, or did it come later? Was it a surprise to you?
When I was a child, I liked to imagine my future self as being like the mom in A Wrinkle in Time—working in some capacity, but from the home and with lots of time for homemaking and parenting. I always loved the image of Mrs. Murray cooking dinner on her Bunsen burner. She was intelligent, ambitious, and successful, and she still prioritized her family. I dreamed of being a writer (and, for a long time, a doctor as well) but doing so in my own little office at home, where I was always available to my children.
Sometimes, I pinch myself and say a prayer of gratitude, because that dream has come true (albeit minus the Bunsen burner).
(5) What dispositions/ attitudes/ skills helped you cultivate the life you have now?
Prayer—It’s when I haven’t been praying that this life starts feeling like it doesn’t work! Staying close to Christ helps me hear his voice and receive his help.
Communication—My husband and I are not perfect communicators (I’m not sure anyone is!), but when we’re communicating well, we are much better partners, and managing our home and family goes much more smoothly. The grace of sacramental marriage is very real and tangible!
Humility—Pride is the sin I struggle with the most, and cultivating humility enables me to know that I will never be a perfect wife, mother, or business leader—but that I don’t have to be. It also helps me to apologize when I have done something wrong and take the steps (and the help) I need to do better.
(6) Where can people find you online?
My personal website is https://everydayroses.blog, and my Substack is https://everydayroses.substack.com. You can follow me on Instagram @tarynmdelong and on LinkedIn. My company’s website is https://catholicwomeninbusiness.com.
Are you trying to navigate a transition towards more balance of work and home life? Or would you like to do so someday? What’s factoring into your discernment? What struck you most from Taryn’s interview? Share your thoughts in the comments.
And if you’re discerning your own move outside the box, Cultivating Clarity might be just the thing for you. Join us in a paid subscription for a weekly mix of essays on discernment, (prayer) journaling prompts, practical exercises to help in decision-making, and quarterly “office hours” for Q&A on all things discernment and decisions.
Prayer! Yes! I love the different answers in these interviews to this question!
Great to see another example of a mother who straddles categories because that is what she has discerned is best for her to do.
Really loved this Kerri! I've followed along with Taryn's work for a while and I really admire the way she's set boundaries and also had a lot of clarity about her vocation at this time of life.
I also frequently feel the need to defend both stay-at-home moms and working moms! There are just so many different dynamics and family situations at play. It seems impossible to make overarching statements about any one decision.
Mrs. Murray is such a great role model! I'm going to think about that some more. A really present mom who is also clearly prioritizing her work as well. I love it!
I actually reread a wrinkle in Time recently and I was just struck so much by that family's closeness amidst busy work and personal eccentricities and passions. It's really beautiful.