At the risk of sounding like I need to see myself in every one of these interviews (you literally have the inviting disclaimer at the beginning!) I have an observation that the majority of the women you've interviewed seem to already have been highly ambitious and/or educated (especially for those going into motherhood). This seems to be a good box to avoid: identity in jobs, overwork, schedule mismatches, finding that life upends that, etc. I see these stories a lot and they are all so different and many can glean from them.
I tend to find myself at the complete opposite of these types of stories - not naturally and professional "ambitious", didn't pursue much higher education before motherhood, and thus not bringing any of that into motherhood - yet wishing I had, because it kind of feels like ground zero, an uphill battle of momentum in comparison. Again, these interviews are not about me :) but not every woman is struggling with what to do with these lofty visions of what they hoped to accomplish. Some are figuring out they *can* have visions for themselves besides being a mother, for instance. Anyways, always find these intriguing.
Haley this is such a great point and I’m so grateful you’re sharing your thoughts here. I was just saying to my husband that most of the women I’ve interviewed are academics and I need to branch out! The problem is that those are the people I tend to cross paths with but you’re absolutely right- it would be great to hear from women with different backgrounds and a different experience of dreaming big- or not :) give a shout if you have suggestions!
"‘Academia gives you so much flexibility to look after children’, I thought at first. I was sorely mistaken!" I learned this, too. I think many of the mothers who have successful full-time academic careers end up carving unusual paths through them; the norm just isn't set up well for this stuff.
Thanks, Dixie! I wonder if perhaps academia has changed a bit since 20+ years ago, too. I couldn’t email my profs when I was an undergraduate- they just were not available outside of office hours without an appointment or if they just happened to be in their offices. And there was much, much less hand-holding than is required now. I guess I’m wondering if for both men and women, it was more flexible? Or if that’s just a myth…
That is an excellent point. I wonder if my dad (who was a prof) would have been able to have the same flexibility today as he did in the '90s. Probably not!
I also had lots of colleagues who didn’t earn enough in the year to support their families so they found themselves taking on extra classes and other work during breaks so the “perks” of an academic year were basically non existent…. Again, not sure how often that happened in the 90s or earlier…
Yes, the work definitely doesn't stop over the academic breaks, sigh, even if you don't take on extra classes (but so many professors do!). So often someone says to us, re: my husband, "But he has the summers off, right? That must be so nice." I'm grateful that we definitely do have a lot more flexibility in the summer -- that really is nice -- but of course he still has a lot of work to do!
At the risk of sounding like I need to see myself in every one of these interviews (you literally have the inviting disclaimer at the beginning!) I have an observation that the majority of the women you've interviewed seem to already have been highly ambitious and/or educated (especially for those going into motherhood). This seems to be a good box to avoid: identity in jobs, overwork, schedule mismatches, finding that life upends that, etc. I see these stories a lot and they are all so different and many can glean from them.
I tend to find myself at the complete opposite of these types of stories - not naturally and professional "ambitious", didn't pursue much higher education before motherhood, and thus not bringing any of that into motherhood - yet wishing I had, because it kind of feels like ground zero, an uphill battle of momentum in comparison. Again, these interviews are not about me :) but not every woman is struggling with what to do with these lofty visions of what they hoped to accomplish. Some are figuring out they *can* have visions for themselves besides being a mother, for instance. Anyways, always find these intriguing.
Haley this is such a great point and I’m so grateful you’re sharing your thoughts here. I was just saying to my husband that most of the women I’ve interviewed are academics and I need to branch out! The problem is that those are the people I tend to cross paths with but you’re absolutely right- it would be great to hear from women with different backgrounds and a different experience of dreaming big- or not :) give a shout if you have suggestions!
"‘Academia gives you so much flexibility to look after children’, I thought at first. I was sorely mistaken!" I learned this, too. I think many of the mothers who have successful full-time academic careers end up carving unusual paths through them; the norm just isn't set up well for this stuff.
Wonderful interview!
Thanks, Dixie! I wonder if perhaps academia has changed a bit since 20+ years ago, too. I couldn’t email my profs when I was an undergraduate- they just were not available outside of office hours without an appointment or if they just happened to be in their offices. And there was much, much less hand-holding than is required now. I guess I’m wondering if for both men and women, it was more flexible? Or if that’s just a myth…
That is an excellent point. I wonder if my dad (who was a prof) would have been able to have the same flexibility today as he did in the '90s. Probably not!
I also had lots of colleagues who didn’t earn enough in the year to support their families so they found themselves taking on extra classes and other work during breaks so the “perks” of an academic year were basically non existent…. Again, not sure how often that happened in the 90s or earlier…
Yes, the work definitely doesn't stop over the academic breaks, sigh, even if you don't take on extra classes (but so many professors do!). So often someone says to us, re: my husband, "But he has the summers off, right? That must be so nice." I'm grateful that we definitely do have a lot more flexibility in the summer -- that really is nice -- but of course he still has a lot of work to do!