Life Outside the Box: An Interview with Katie Marquette
Hobby farms, workaholism, changing worldviews & trusting your gut
Welcome to Life Outside the Box, a series celebrating the intentional choice to live as whole people and not just a one-dimensional job title.
The overwhelmingly positive response to my essay, Leaning (In and) Out, (Not) Having it All, suggested to me that there are a lot of women (and men) who are keen to set aside the societal pressure to hustle hard and put all their energies and decades of life exclusively into one single career box.
This series offers interviews with those who have chosen a life outside the box, in a variety of ways. It’s my hope that in getting to peek into the lives of others, we’ll all be inspired to step outside the pressure chambers we may feel stuck in - even if our lives are very different in practice from those shared here.
Encouragement, permission, examples - I hope whatever it is you need to step outside the box, you’ll find it here.
Today we’re welcoming Katie Marquette of Born of Wonder. She’s cultivating a life that prioritises motherhood but includes room for her passions too. I think we can all learn from her reflections on taking a slightly different path than that of a workaholic family and the peace that comes from trusting gut instinct.
(1) What does your life outside the box currently look like? Tell us about a day/ week in your life.
It's hard to tell you about a typical day because with two little kids (2 and a half and 9 months, currently) my best-laid plans often go awry. We do have a general rhythm to our days, but as soon as I get used to that, the baby drops a nap or cuts a tooth or someone gets sick, so even though I'm naturally very controlling (I would love some more predictability) I'm slowly learning to be okay with the barely contained chaos. I can give you an idea of how things generally go, though.
We live on a hobby farm. By hobby farm I mean that we have a little bit of land and a lot of animals that serve essentially no purpose. It's a 'hobby.' I grew up on a horse farm where we also took in strays and bought bunnies at silent auctions on a whim, so I guess it was in my DNA to pursue a life like this.
Sometimes in the midst of so much of the business of small children I wonder why we also crammed our life full of the needs of animals and gardens as well, but my toddler is already learning so much responsibility and care in her daily work down at the barn with me, and I think there are so many joys and rewards to this lifestyle that outweigh the frequent inconveniences. So my day starts with the baby up and nursed and handed off to my husband while I go down to the barn.
After I feed the animals I usually take 10 minutes to sip my coffee and text friends or listen to a podcast. I'm usually also down there right before or as the sun is coming up which is always beautiful. Then I'll head back inside and this is usually about the time my toddler is waking up.
My toddler goes to nature school - a wonderful place that draws inspiration from Scandinavian forest schools - three mornings a week. That leaves me a little bit of time while the baby has her morning nap to cook breakfast, do laundry, catch up on writing, reading, and so on. I usually try to do most of my chores when the kids are awake (one of my toddler's favorite games is "tidying and organizing!" - she does not get that from me!) because I truly need the quiet/nap times to have a little time to myself. So I'll make some tea or a cup of coffee and try to do something productive that is also something I enjoy (i.e. if I need to fold laundry, I'll listen to a podcast while I do that, or I'll write a post for Substack, or write a letter to a friend. These are all 'productive' things that help me feel accomplished in some way, but are also mentally restorative and restful).
My husband and I have a shared calendar that we are constantly updating with appointments, family events, etc. and I'm also planning ahead for things like podcast interviews, audio editing work, etc. for weekend afternoons or any days he's able to be home. But truly most of my time is caring for the children - which usually involves lots of walks, exploring the fields, reading board books, listening to music, nursing, and trying to get them to sleep.
The two hours or so after bedtime is when I get most of my 'work' done - whether that's editing/mixing/recording a podcast, following up on emails, editing audio for a project, reading for an essay I'm working on or for pleasure, and so on.
(2) How did you get there? What intentional choices did you make?
I didn't always think I'd be a "stay-at-home mom" (a phrase I don't really like because of its associations with a stagnant life). In fact I didn't really think about children much. I assumed I'd have some at some point but I never really considered radically altering my life to accommodate for this fact. I have a masters degree in Conflict Resolution and there's a long winding story I could tell about my career trajectory but suffice to say I ended up working in audio engineering and radio. That's what I was pursuing as my career (and still am, in some ways).
But then in my mid-twenties both my husband and I converted to Catholicism and with this change in worldview came a huge change in the way I viewed family life. Instead of seeing it as an accessory to equally or even more important things (career, traveling, and so on) I came to see it as the most important thing I could possibly pursue. So when we were hoping for a family, I left my full-time radio producer job (a job I enjoyed in many ways but I was completely creatively destroyed by cubicle life). This was perplexing to a lot of people because I was doing very well at the station and being featured in magazines and other 'important' panels, etc., but I truly had no doubts about leaving to devote myself more fully to a family life.
I should also mention that my Mom was a workaholic. I don't say this disparagingly, she would have described herself this way. But she was a tenacious, incredibly smart, determined, entrepreneur who ended up being incredibly successful. I admire so much of what she accomplished and she did it all with grace and dignity. Yet there were many sacrifices that had to be made when it came to us all being together as a family and it was incredibly hard for my sister and I to have a mother who we rarely saw during the week. My father also worked a high-powered job and so family life often felt frantic and like we had to fit everything into small moments when both my parents were home. I don't think anything was wrong about this and in many ways I had a lovely childhood, but I just knew I wanted a different situation for my own children.
(3) What are you intentionally choosing to say “yes” and (maybe more importantly!) “no” to in this season of your life?
I'm saying 'yes' to my kids and any future kids we may have. This season of little children is incredibly physically and emotionally demanding, but I've truly never felt more peace or joy than in my role as a mother. Don't get me wrong - I frequently get burned out, overstimulated, and even resentful over not having enough 'me time' to pursue my passions or my work. But I've never felt any doubt about the importance of what I'm doing - even if that's spending an entire afternoon stacking blocks. I'll never get this time back and I want to be here for it!
That being said, I am equally saying yes to my passions and my work - I don't think you have to say 'no' to everything when you're a mother. My husband and I are always discerning and having conversations about how we can make things better for either of us - I know I'm a better mom when I have time to read, write, and create. The work I do with Born of Wonder is incredibly life-giving. It stimulates my mind and has connected me to people I have developed genuine friendships with. So we know it's important to find time for me to do this. I also am pursuing more professional work as an audio editor and producer - but because of my primary job as caretaker of the kids, I may opt to only take on one project at a time or to only pursue contracts that allow me work flexible hours and so on.
I'm saying 'no' to a lot of horse related things. I'm an equestrian, I grew up riding, and horses have always been an important physical and emotional part of my life. But I rarely have time or energy to ride. I'm okay with that. I enjoy the work at the barn and I'm leasing out my riding horse so others can enjoy him. I'm still involved in the local equestrian community - I took my toddler to see the opening Hunt for example - but I know there are seasons for everything (and there are certainly plenty of people out hunting in their 60s and 70s - God willing that will be me!). Someday maybe I'll be able to enjoy this unique passion of mine more fully, but that's not right now, and that's okay.
(4) When you were a child/ younger, what vision did you have for your life? Did you always want to live outside the box, or did it come later? Was it a surprise to you?
I've already alluded to this a bit but I never pictured myself as a stay at home mother. But I did assume I'd be married, have a lot of animals, and be doing some sort of creative work, whether professionally or as a passion. All of this has turned out pretty close to how I envisioned it! In my more existential moments I wonder if my Mom was still alive if I would have been okay with leaving more traditional career routes (with the clear markers they offer of success) behind - I really craved her approval. So who knows how or why - no I didn't expect this, but I'm thrilled it's worked out there way. I never miss that cubicle for one moment.
(5) What dispositions/ attitudes/ skills helped you cultivate the life you have now?
For better or worse I'm a 'gut instinct' type person. My husband is too. This has sometimes led us down incredibly impractical paths that we only realized much later made absolutely no sense. So there are some downsides to this, but in many ways I think this 'trusting my gut' attitude has allowed me to pursue less 'conventional' paths (i.e. not "using" my degree, leaving a good job, and so on) without much angst. I knew when something felt wrong - I knew when it felt right. And I still trust that initial 'feeling' I have about things to lead me where I need to go. So that has certainly helped!
(6) Where can people find you online?
I'm on substack -https://bornofwonder.substack.com. I also have a website - www.bornofwonder.com.
I host a podcast where I explore "anything and everything that inspires wonder and awe in the world" which you can find wherever you download podcasts. Just look up 'Born of Wonder'.
Also feel free to email me at marquettekatie@gmail.com.
Wasn’t that a wonderful peek into a beautiful and interesting life? I’d love to hear: what struck you most? Leave a comment below.
And if you’re discerning your own move outside the box, Cultivating Clarity might be just the thing for you. Join us in a paid subscription for a weekly mix of essays on discernment, (prayer) journaling prompts, practical exercises to help in decision-making, and quarterly “office hours” for Q&A on all things discernment and decisions.
It's always fascinating to me to hear outright (or observe from afar) how women's lives and choices are often affected by their own mother's. There's really a wide spectrum! Between personalities, education, family situations, personal desires, and financial, philosophical, spiritual factors....there's a lot that affected our own parents. What gets embraced or changed to various degrees in the generation after is something I find intriguing. So I'm glad she mentioned that part of her own story.