This is so great to hear! Tomorrow’s post is all about what you’ve described- figuring out what method(s) work(s) *for you* to actually do things. I also thrive with a snowball method of small things that gain momentum; my husband has no problem with discouragement so he’s happy to take on a whole project at once. If I did that I’d fail before I started!
I find it interesting and helpful to hear what is working for others- thanks for sharing! I haven’t introduced a lot of time constraints into my own habits (in part due to widely fluctuating levels of energy and health), but I can see how for certain things it would be useful.
I think my Friday post this week might be something along the lines of "An idealist in the real world" -- I'd like to talk about what it's like to keep making forward progress in really non-linear seasons (like with chronic illness and small children).
I look forward to reading this! It’s so important to acknowledge that none of us are robots, setting goals in a vacuum. I really appreciate a lot of Jen Fulwiler’s thoughts in this area - that doing life as a real person with a real body in a real community of any kind means that most of us aren’t going to approach progress in a consistent, linear way- but that doesn’t mean we should give up altogether.
Thank you, Denise! I spent far too many years setting goals for someone else and disappointing myself in the process! I hope others can be spared the experience.
This is a very helpful framework, Kerri! I have to be very specific and realistic in my goals. I've also learned that if I pick strategic small things they act as fulcrums for the other action that I want to take, and I gain momentum. If I fail at the small things then I tend to collapse and give up entirely. Honestly the most helpful goals I've made are things that are time-constrained: i.e. eat 20 g of protein by 10 AM every day. It's non-specific enough that it's not idealized, but it makes a huge difference to the whole day. And it may be silly, but if I have a box to check to show that I did it, I'm much more likely to keep doing it. Powersheets has a "tending list" that was super helpful as a framework. I don't use the whole system, because it was overwhelming, but I've copied that one tool and keep it in my planner. When I use it as a check-in I actually make progress. I think in this season of my life it's especially helpful to have the goals broken down by month, weekly, and daily. So then I focus on daily habits, things that I want to have happen at some point x number of times in a week, and large projects/things that need to happen during that month. But it's taken time to figure out how my brain works and set it up for success!
Thanks for sharing what works for you! It's always so interesting to me to hear what works for different people - for me having time constraints makes most things feel like "work" or a "chore" and therefore I'm less inclined to do them - unless it's something I hate doing anyway but really need to do, in which case, I tell myself I have to do the thing for "only" 10 minutes, or "only" one load of laundry... then the time / measurement makes it feel less strenuous.
Do you do visual breakdowns for monthly/ weekly/ daily? So you can see progress? Or does that make it more stressful for you?
I do use a sheet that has a visual breakdown for monthly, weekly and daily habits/goals. That way I can fill in partial progress. It’s helpful for me to have the daily visual & reminder. And most of the time constraints are things like “eat 20 g of protein by 10 AM”
Do you make your own? I've found myself so picky about planners, etc over the years that I've ended up just making what I want (which is usually EXTREMELY plain - no pretty visual distractions for me!)
This is kind of terrible, but I photocopied the one “tending list” I had after I whited out the month. The little boxes at the bottom don’t match up to the days of the week, but I just go off day I’d the month and it works. I print a blank one and then just tuck it in my daily planner. I was thinking that I should just make my own with the same elements. It wouldn’t be too hard...
I'm so old school, I usually just end up making tables in a blank Word doc that are the size/ layout I want. They're beyond simple, but I guess for that reason no one bothers to sell them. Maybe I should try, haha
Wonderful. For me, I find that there are also false-value objections to the things I really want to do. Say I'm the woman in the example -- I might never do the writing in bed in the early morning thing because something in my head would go, "It's morally wrong to have looking at a screen be the first thing you do in the morning. Also you should get natural light, not blue light. Also you're being selfish."
Sigh. It's good to see these things for what they are.
I’m glad to learn I’m not alone in having little false-value objectors in my head, although I hope all of us can be really free someday! I dream of being an old lady who is totally un-bothered by things that really don’t matter. We went to the ballet recently and an elderly woman was there in a long white fur coat, fur hat, and sunglasses- it made me smile that she could just own it :)
I was in a major local kerfluffle last year and many people starting intensely disliking me (long story) all of a sudden. It was very helpful in teaching me to stop caring so much about my reputation. It was an incredible experience, deeply painful and truly a gift. I think I may have taken my first, teeny tiny step toward that old lady freedom!
This is so great to hear! Tomorrow’s post is all about what you’ve described- figuring out what method(s) work(s) *for you* to actually do things. I also thrive with a snowball method of small things that gain momentum; my husband has no problem with discouragement so he’s happy to take on a whole project at once. If I did that I’d fail before I started!
I find it interesting and helpful to hear what is working for others- thanks for sharing! I haven’t introduced a lot of time constraints into my own habits (in part due to widely fluctuating levels of energy and health), but I can see how for certain things it would be useful.
I think my Friday post this week might be something along the lines of "An idealist in the real world" -- I'd like to talk about what it's like to keep making forward progress in really non-linear seasons (like with chronic illness and small children).
I look forward to reading this! It’s so important to acknowledge that none of us are robots, setting goals in a vacuum. I really appreciate a lot of Jen Fulwiler’s thoughts in this area - that doing life as a real person with a real body in a real community of any kind means that most of us aren’t going to approach progress in a consistent, linear way- but that doesn’t mean we should give up altogether.
Clear and helpful! Lovely!
Thank you, Denise! I spent far too many years setting goals for someone else and disappointing myself in the process! I hope others can be spared the experience.
This is a very helpful framework, Kerri! I have to be very specific and realistic in my goals. I've also learned that if I pick strategic small things they act as fulcrums for the other action that I want to take, and I gain momentum. If I fail at the small things then I tend to collapse and give up entirely. Honestly the most helpful goals I've made are things that are time-constrained: i.e. eat 20 g of protein by 10 AM every day. It's non-specific enough that it's not idealized, but it makes a huge difference to the whole day. And it may be silly, but if I have a box to check to show that I did it, I'm much more likely to keep doing it. Powersheets has a "tending list" that was super helpful as a framework. I don't use the whole system, because it was overwhelming, but I've copied that one tool and keep it in my planner. When I use it as a check-in I actually make progress. I think in this season of my life it's especially helpful to have the goals broken down by month, weekly, and daily. So then I focus on daily habits, things that I want to have happen at some point x number of times in a week, and large projects/things that need to happen during that month. But it's taken time to figure out how my brain works and set it up for success!
Thanks for sharing what works for you! It's always so interesting to me to hear what works for different people - for me having time constraints makes most things feel like "work" or a "chore" and therefore I'm less inclined to do them - unless it's something I hate doing anyway but really need to do, in which case, I tell myself I have to do the thing for "only" 10 minutes, or "only" one load of laundry... then the time / measurement makes it feel less strenuous.
Do you do visual breakdowns for monthly/ weekly/ daily? So you can see progress? Or does that make it more stressful for you?
I do use a sheet that has a visual breakdown for monthly, weekly and daily habits/goals. That way I can fill in partial progress. It’s helpful for me to have the daily visual & reminder. And most of the time constraints are things like “eat 20 g of protein by 10 AM”
Do you make your own? I've found myself so picky about planners, etc over the years that I've ended up just making what I want (which is usually EXTREMELY plain - no pretty visual distractions for me!)
This is kind of terrible, but I photocopied the one “tending list” I had after I whited out the month. The little boxes at the bottom don’t match up to the days of the week, but I just go off day I’d the month and it works. I print a blank one and then just tuck it in my daily planner. I was thinking that I should just make my own with the same elements. It wouldn’t be too hard...
I'm so old school, I usually just end up making tables in a blank Word doc that are the size/ layout I want. They're beyond simple, but I guess for that reason no one bothers to sell them. Maybe I should try, haha
Wonderful. For me, I find that there are also false-value objections to the things I really want to do. Say I'm the woman in the example -- I might never do the writing in bed in the early morning thing because something in my head would go, "It's morally wrong to have looking at a screen be the first thing you do in the morning. Also you should get natural light, not blue light. Also you're being selfish."
Sigh. It's good to see these things for what they are.
I’m glad to learn I’m not alone in having little false-value objectors in my head, although I hope all of us can be really free someday! I dream of being an old lady who is totally un-bothered by things that really don’t matter. We went to the ballet recently and an elderly woman was there in a long white fur coat, fur hat, and sunglasses- it made me smile that she could just own it :)
I was in a major local kerfluffle last year and many people starting intensely disliking me (long story) all of a sudden. It was very helpful in teaching me to stop caring so much about my reputation. It was an incredible experience, deeply painful and truly a gift. I think I may have taken my first, teeny tiny step toward that old lady freedom!
I’m so sorry to hear that. These “detachment as a life lesson” events are often really painful despite the good fruit they can cultivate in us.