I am in agreement about how nice it is to have a comfortable standard mix and match uniform figured out. In 2025 I stocked up on wardrobe basics, anticipating our two week trip to Italy. I did not own two full weeks' worth of clothing. Now I feel like I don't really spend any energy on dressing, except for church on Sundays. I just grab something and know it will work: basic layers that I can add to easily to dress up for going out, but I can be comfortable in at home.
Substack is such a great place to interact with creative people. I have been so blessed in 2025 by all the connections I've made. My writing has been so fruitful, so abundant, and such an unexpected source of connections. I didn't expect when I started my substack how I would flourish in this creative community. I am always bouncing off all the other creatives here and it's been amazingly nourishing and nurturing. Thank you so much for mentioning my poetry, Kerri. I'm honored.
This substack community feels very different, in very positive ways, from the blogs of once upon a time and I'm really glad I made the shift from my old blog which had been languishing with very few readers and very little interaction and feedback. It's been such a blessing in so many ways, big and small.
For me the graces of the year have centered on our Jubilee year pilgrimage to Rome. And following that I was inspired to end the year with nine back to back novenas to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. (I had left some prayer intentions in the church of San Marcello in Rome where there was a beautiful Undoer of Knots image in a side chapel.) I have never previously completed one novena successfully, but I had a great group of friends praying along with me and while we missed a handful of days here and there, we finished at least four of the novenas with no missed days. So many graces bloomed in my life thanks, I am sure, to those prayers. Mid December was a shower of roses from Mary, grace upon grace.
I'm still trying to get a handle on what this season of homeschooling is supposed to look like. Mostly I am trying to do one day at a time. But it would be nice to have greater clarity about some of the big picture questions. Yet I am also realizing that some of my lack of clarity is because of my teens' struggles to find their own directions. There are so many unexpected challenges in parenting neurodivergent teens with learning disabilities and developmental delays. The usual default maps don't work. But one of the graces I've been granted is the ability to name the grief I've been struggling to push aside and to mourn the loss of my plans and expectations and dreams. I'm hoping that in the coming year things will become clearer as I hopefully move into a place of greater acceptance of what is instead of trying to live in the what could have been.
Thank you for sharing, Melanie! It’s funny how travel can help with the wardrobe situation- years ago I was travelling a lot and it made me realize I owned very few comfortable things.
And I remember your blog from back in the day! I’m so glad that Substack has provided some better community - it’s also been an unexpected source of connection for me, which was such a bonus. Isn’t it great to have community around faith, too? I love being encouraged by others beyond what I would just do on my own.
And it sounds like your homeschool discernment is in a great spot. Discerning with other people is so very different than on our own- esp if those other people have their own challenges. I’ve found that for many people, allowing grief to run its course is the precursor to new beginnings.
I really enjoyed this peek at your discoveries from 2025, Kerri! I especially love that you're talking about clothing here pragmatically instead of morally. It's just something to take care of in a way that helps empower you to live your life well.
Thank you, Dixie! Over the years I’m realizing that some of my formation in what is good, true, and beautiful has led to idealism in an unhealthy way and a good dose of pragmatism in non-moral matters goes a long way to help.
I laughed at the doorway mention because I struggle mightily with the “what’s new” question. I often think back on my response and ask, “Wait, there were 99 other things that would have sounded more exciting!” But there’s much going on under the surface in certain seasons, whether or not we can articulate it at a moment’s notice. (And if we were getting together and you had news of a new doorway, I think I’d be happy for you!)
Loved the note on Pentecost.
And thank you for the mention, Kerri. I’ve been grateful for your reading and insight on my little creative project. Looking forward to checking out some of the other recommendations. Blessings on your new year!
Thank you, Leah! The funny thing is that from where I sit most days, I stare at that doorway and it was driving me nuts! So 11 months later to finally having it looking nice is indeed something to be happy about. Another seemingly small thing that probably had more going on under the surface :)
I look forward to more of your thoughts this year!
I love these types of posts. This year I've really been leaning into those small-but-essential purchases (like a good haircut, as you describe!) that aren't frivolous, but low-level life-changing. Some of those for me include:
-dawn powerwash *spray*
-a giant cookie sheet that takes up the whole oven rack (rather than the usual size that takes up part of the rack but doesn't leave room for a second cookie sheet).
-an investment hair dryer/styling tool that works really fast so I don't have to wait forever for my hair to air dry in the cold winter months
-A fresh and festive tablecloth that works year-round so I wouldn't spend mealtimes distracted by either a stained tablecloth or the 1970s orange wood surface of our sturdy hand-me-down family table.
Carolyn, these sound perfect! I hate it when the pan is neither big enough to be helpful nor small enough to allow another pan to step in 😅
These things really are life changing in the daily sense :) I’m trying to see if there are any other areas where I can make some positive changes like these.
I long to get more efficient and lighter with my packing. I always overpack to feel prepared for anything. Meanwhile my husband could pack for an entire week in a backpack.
Thanks so much for including me in a great list of women on Substack. The fact that you used “creative” and “courage” in the description helps me believe I’m doing something right!
You absolutely are!! I spent several happy afternoons collaging and making “silly” things I wouldn’t have otherwise done, because of your pieces and encouragement. :)
I think the packing thing is easier when you are visiting the same (sorts of) places- I, too, feel the need to be prepared for anything, including any mood that might strike me in terms of clothing- but keeping track of how I actually use things in the same situations has revealed a pattern that I didn’t know I had!
Thank you for the mention, Kerri! I was very touched. And I must say a good haircut and the right, non fuss clothes really help to lift that feeling of unfinished business from a person’s mind. You are free to be more confident and less distracted by self consciousness. It’s freeing.
Thank you, Denise! That’s such a good way to put it- a feeling of unfinished business. I’m realizing how much weight those seemingly small, daily sorts of things take up, and slowly trying to free myself from them!
hahaha it’s a bit hard to describe but there are some sanguine personalities who find a home in ‘charismatic’ communities that can (implicitly or explicitly) make you feel like if you aren’t praying for MASSIVE VISIBLE outpourings of the Holy Spirit in the form of things like tongues, future-prediciting prophecies, physical healings, etc, then basically you hate the HS. That’s exaggerated of course but that is the ‘vibe’ :)
I forgot that these communities exist within the Catholic world — my limited exposure here! So now that makes much more sense. I’m familiar with this in the American Evangelical world, but the intense sign-of-revival-seeking (for lack of a better phrase!) isn’t tied to the liturgical year. Thank you for filling me in.😅
Thank you for your work! You’ve introduced me to so many new lovely artists in a way that feels accessible (sadly unlike so many others who try to introduce people to art.) Happy New Year!
I'm obviously very pro-haircut. I've never had a problem with buying clothes! It's usually quite the opposite!
Thank you so much for including me on that stellar list of writers, I'm really flattered and just chuffed it made my day! It just took me a week to tell you!
I’m so glad! I always look forward to bits and bants (even and maybe esp when rants are included :))
It’s funny isn’t it- people are so different and what is easy for one is really tough for another, which is why so much generic advice is totally useless!
I have been wondering for a while now if a vague sense of frumpiness I keep shrugging off is because I have a habit of cutting my own hair. A million years ago before I had kids, I loved getting highlights and new haircuts and having fun with hairstyles, but I have turned into someone who cuts off the ends of her ponytail because, I tell myself, curly hair can get away with that. Haha. I have some birthday money burning a hole in my wallet, and I think a real haircut might be in order. Interacting with other creatives on Substack is such a joy (many of the ones you mention by name bless me weekly) and yet there's a sense of needing to be seen here that I keep battling. It is still social media, I suppose. I am wrestling with how to enjoy all the good here without getting sucked into spending more time here than I should or feeling like my reading and writing life needs to be on display to have value. I want my best life to be unseen. My new year's intention was to only go on Substack when I'm not with my children, but I am finding it difficult to manage. Turns out, I am almost always with a child or five. Thank you for all of this, Kerri. You have a way of combining the practical and the spiritual so authentically. We are indeed mind, body, soul, and spirit. Perhaps the new haircut and the new winter boots I need are just as important as figuring out my Substack boundaries.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, Abigail. I really do try to combine spiritual and practical in a ways that serves others, so it’s wonderful to hear that you find it so!
Personally I have found that when I have a 'continual vague sense of frumpiness' (such as great phrase!), I tend to get less work done, because it acts like almost an annoying static noise in the background. Hence, the haircuts and simple ‘uniform’.
Navigating these Substack waters is indeed tricky! I haven’t yet found the perfect balance but what I’ve realized is that ‘balance’ for me tends to look like waves rather than one steady water level. Some weeks I’m on here a lot, and some weeks there are people in real life I’m giving that energy to. For me, being on here is tied to professional work as well as hobby so it’s not clear-cut! I’m also an ‘abstainer’ rather than a ‘moderator’ by nature, so I’d rather just give myself permission to be all-in here for x amount of time, or not at all. (I wrote about that distinction here: https://claritylifeconsulting.com/how-to-know-yourself/abstainer-or-moderator/).
Kerri, I have never thought about this category of abstainer or moderator. I am most decidedly an abstainer. A couple years ago when I turned 40 I gave up coffee and alcohol for the year as a way to reset my central nervous system, and it was so much easier than any of my friends thought it would be. Just having one cup of coffee a day would have been torture by comparison. I just read your essay and found it very helpful. I like the idea of not having a set rule for Substack but just responding to each season of life appropriately. I had made a New Year’s goal that I wouldn’t be on Substack when I’m around my kids, but it turns out I am almost never not with my boys. I just sent someone back to bed who came down to tell me one last important thought from the day. (Amazing how all the thoughts come out in the quiet before sleep.) I am going to revisit this intention and pray if there is a better way for me to be on here in a life-giving way. I love the creative community here! But I was getting sucked into checking it far too often, which the abstainer category actually explains quite well. Thank you for helping me think through all of this!
You’re welcome! Once I discovered that distinction it really helped me when making changes in my own life, especially in areas that are hard. As you say, one cup of coffee a day can feel like torture for some of us! Better to cut it out entirely.
I try (and sometimes fail) to keep Substack to hours when I am not in person with anyone, or when I am working alongside others who are working. I think this would be very difficult in a house full of children!
I was thinking more about this today and suddenly realized why I was so hesitant to do much writing in my early years of motherhood. I still scribbled the occasional wedding or funeral poem, but in many ways my ambition went dormant. I never went on social media until joining Substack in 2025. Not because I’m so self-controlled but rather because I know this all-or-nothing streak in me, and I was so jealously guarding the very important job of motherhood. I felt under qualified to be a mother and knew I was probably going to get terribly distracted by other things. In retrospect, a little more balance would have been helpful, but I couldn’t even explain it in words. I just really wanted to love motherhood as much as I loved our precious babies, and I didn’t really take to the job itself, and the only way I knew how to cope was to dive deeper and deeper into that role. It sounds confusing when I type it out in words, but as I was folding laundry, I was thinking about your essay again and a light bulb went off. Thank you!
I’m so glad this concept has been able to shed light on your past decisions! I find that sometimes, realizing what was going on in the past helps inform what I do in the present.
Totally understand about clothing and feeling comfortable in what you are wearing. To make things easier for myself when getting dressed because decision fatigue is real, I have a small wardrobe and stick to a small neutral color palette. Everything can be paired together and it makes it so much easier each morning 😊
That is such a great approach! I try to have no “outliers” in my closet that force me to buy new things just to go with them :)
I know some people love the creativity of choosing a new outfit but for most of my life it’s been a source of decision fatigue, so I’d rather spend my limited creative energy on cooking a new recipe or writing a new essay.
Funnily enough, I have a haircut and some go-to clothes I can feel good in on my list for 2026 - I definitely think of those things as unnecessary luxuries, but I feel so much better when I "indulge" a little in my appearance, I feel much more confident and just happier in my own skin. Which is a very worthy cause!
Yes it’s helped me so much to shift my mindset from thinking of these as “indulgences” to “practical necessities if I am ever going to focus on other things.”!
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, Victoria! I’m so glad you found it helpful. That’s a wonderful way to phrase it- entering the coming year with things to keep!
I am in agreement about how nice it is to have a comfortable standard mix and match uniform figured out. In 2025 I stocked up on wardrobe basics, anticipating our two week trip to Italy. I did not own two full weeks' worth of clothing. Now I feel like I don't really spend any energy on dressing, except for church on Sundays. I just grab something and know it will work: basic layers that I can add to easily to dress up for going out, but I can be comfortable in at home.
Substack is such a great place to interact with creative people. I have been so blessed in 2025 by all the connections I've made. My writing has been so fruitful, so abundant, and such an unexpected source of connections. I didn't expect when I started my substack how I would flourish in this creative community. I am always bouncing off all the other creatives here and it's been amazingly nourishing and nurturing. Thank you so much for mentioning my poetry, Kerri. I'm honored.
This substack community feels very different, in very positive ways, from the blogs of once upon a time and I'm really glad I made the shift from my old blog which had been languishing with very few readers and very little interaction and feedback. It's been such a blessing in so many ways, big and small.
For me the graces of the year have centered on our Jubilee year pilgrimage to Rome. And following that I was inspired to end the year with nine back to back novenas to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. (I had left some prayer intentions in the church of San Marcello in Rome where there was a beautiful Undoer of Knots image in a side chapel.) I have never previously completed one novena successfully, but I had a great group of friends praying along with me and while we missed a handful of days here and there, we finished at least four of the novenas with no missed days. So many graces bloomed in my life thanks, I am sure, to those prayers. Mid December was a shower of roses from Mary, grace upon grace.
I'm still trying to get a handle on what this season of homeschooling is supposed to look like. Mostly I am trying to do one day at a time. But it would be nice to have greater clarity about some of the big picture questions. Yet I am also realizing that some of my lack of clarity is because of my teens' struggles to find their own directions. There are so many unexpected challenges in parenting neurodivergent teens with learning disabilities and developmental delays. The usual default maps don't work. But one of the graces I've been granted is the ability to name the grief I've been struggling to push aside and to mourn the loss of my plans and expectations and dreams. I'm hoping that in the coming year things will become clearer as I hopefully move into a place of greater acceptance of what is instead of trying to live in the what could have been.
Thank you for sharing, Melanie! It’s funny how travel can help with the wardrobe situation- years ago I was travelling a lot and it made me realize I owned very few comfortable things.
And I remember your blog from back in the day! I’m so glad that Substack has provided some better community - it’s also been an unexpected source of connection for me, which was such a bonus. Isn’t it great to have community around faith, too? I love being encouraged by others beyond what I would just do on my own.
And it sounds like your homeschool discernment is in a great spot. Discerning with other people is so very different than on our own- esp if those other people have their own challenges. I’ve found that for many people, allowing grief to run its course is the precursor to new beginnings.
I look forward to seeing what emerges from you!
I really enjoyed this peek at your discoveries from 2025, Kerri! I especially love that you're talking about clothing here pragmatically instead of morally. It's just something to take care of in a way that helps empower you to live your life well.
Thank you, Dixie! Over the years I’m realizing that some of my formation in what is good, true, and beautiful has led to idealism in an unhealthy way and a good dose of pragmatism in non-moral matters goes a long way to help.
I laughed at the doorway mention because I struggle mightily with the “what’s new” question. I often think back on my response and ask, “Wait, there were 99 other things that would have sounded more exciting!” But there’s much going on under the surface in certain seasons, whether or not we can articulate it at a moment’s notice. (And if we were getting together and you had news of a new doorway, I think I’d be happy for you!)
Loved the note on Pentecost.
And thank you for the mention, Kerri. I’ve been grateful for your reading and insight on my little creative project. Looking forward to checking out some of the other recommendations. Blessings on your new year!
Thank you, Leah! The funny thing is that from where I sit most days, I stare at that doorway and it was driving me nuts! So 11 months later to finally having it looking nice is indeed something to be happy about. Another seemingly small thing that probably had more going on under the surface :)
I look forward to more of your thoughts this year!
I love these types of posts. This year I've really been leaning into those small-but-essential purchases (like a good haircut, as you describe!) that aren't frivolous, but low-level life-changing. Some of those for me include:
-dawn powerwash *spray*
-a giant cookie sheet that takes up the whole oven rack (rather than the usual size that takes up part of the rack but doesn't leave room for a second cookie sheet).
-an investment hair dryer/styling tool that works really fast so I don't have to wait forever for my hair to air dry in the cold winter months
-A fresh and festive tablecloth that works year-round so I wouldn't spend mealtimes distracted by either a stained tablecloth or the 1970s orange wood surface of our sturdy hand-me-down family table.
Carolyn, these sound perfect! I hate it when the pan is neither big enough to be helpful nor small enough to allow another pan to step in 😅
These things really are life changing in the daily sense :) I’m trying to see if there are any other areas where I can make some positive changes like these.
Great list!
I long to get more efficient and lighter with my packing. I always overpack to feel prepared for anything. Meanwhile my husband could pack for an entire week in a backpack.
Thanks so much for including me in a great list of women on Substack. The fact that you used “creative” and “courage” in the description helps me believe I’m doing something right!
You absolutely are!! I spent several happy afternoons collaging and making “silly” things I wouldn’t have otherwise done, because of your pieces and encouragement. :)
I think the packing thing is easier when you are visiting the same (sorts of) places- I, too, feel the need to be prepared for anything, including any mood that might strike me in terms of clothing- but keeping track of how I actually use things in the same situations has revealed a pattern that I didn’t know I had!
Thank you for the mention, Kerri! I was very touched. And I must say a good haircut and the right, non fuss clothes really help to lift that feeling of unfinished business from a person’s mind. You are free to be more confident and less distracted by self consciousness. It’s freeing.
Thank you, Denise! That’s such a good way to put it- a feeling of unfinished business. I’m realizing how much weight those seemingly small, daily sorts of things take up, and slowly trying to free myself from them!
The pentecost enthusiast thing is so true
Maybe we should start a chilled out Pentecost movement.
I’m actually very curious about Pentecost-enthusiasm now 😆
hahaha it’s a bit hard to describe but there are some sanguine personalities who find a home in ‘charismatic’ communities that can (implicitly or explicitly) make you feel like if you aren’t praying for MASSIVE VISIBLE outpourings of the Holy Spirit in the form of things like tongues, future-prediciting prophecies, physical healings, etc, then basically you hate the HS. That’s exaggerated of course but that is the ‘vibe’ :)
I forgot that these communities exist within the Catholic world — my limited exposure here! So now that makes much more sense. I’m familiar with this in the American Evangelical world, but the intense sign-of-revival-seeking (for lack of a better phrase!) isn’t tied to the liturgical year. Thank you for filling me in.😅
Thank you so much for the mention, Kerri. And I completely understand about the catch-up with friends :) Happy New Year ✨
Thank you for your work! You’ve introduced me to so many new lovely artists in a way that feels accessible (sadly unlike so many others who try to introduce people to art.) Happy New Year!
Thank you, Kerri. That’s really kind! 🧡
I'm obviously very pro-haircut. I've never had a problem with buying clothes! It's usually quite the opposite!
Thank you so much for including me on that stellar list of writers, I'm really flattered and just chuffed it made my day! It just took me a week to tell you!
I’m so glad! I always look forward to bits and bants (even and maybe esp when rants are included :))
It’s funny isn’t it- people are so different and what is easy for one is really tough for another, which is why so much generic advice is totally useless!
I have been wondering for a while now if a vague sense of frumpiness I keep shrugging off is because I have a habit of cutting my own hair. A million years ago before I had kids, I loved getting highlights and new haircuts and having fun with hairstyles, but I have turned into someone who cuts off the ends of her ponytail because, I tell myself, curly hair can get away with that. Haha. I have some birthday money burning a hole in my wallet, and I think a real haircut might be in order. Interacting with other creatives on Substack is such a joy (many of the ones you mention by name bless me weekly) and yet there's a sense of needing to be seen here that I keep battling. It is still social media, I suppose. I am wrestling with how to enjoy all the good here without getting sucked into spending more time here than I should or feeling like my reading and writing life needs to be on display to have value. I want my best life to be unseen. My new year's intention was to only go on Substack when I'm not with my children, but I am finding it difficult to manage. Turns out, I am almost always with a child or five. Thank you for all of this, Kerri. You have a way of combining the practical and the spiritual so authentically. We are indeed mind, body, soul, and spirit. Perhaps the new haircut and the new winter boots I need are just as important as figuring out my Substack boundaries.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, Abigail. I really do try to combine spiritual and practical in a ways that serves others, so it’s wonderful to hear that you find it so!
Personally I have found that when I have a 'continual vague sense of frumpiness' (such as great phrase!), I tend to get less work done, because it acts like almost an annoying static noise in the background. Hence, the haircuts and simple ‘uniform’.
Navigating these Substack waters is indeed tricky! I haven’t yet found the perfect balance but what I’ve realized is that ‘balance’ for me tends to look like waves rather than one steady water level. Some weeks I’m on here a lot, and some weeks there are people in real life I’m giving that energy to. For me, being on here is tied to professional work as well as hobby so it’s not clear-cut! I’m also an ‘abstainer’ rather than a ‘moderator’ by nature, so I’d rather just give myself permission to be all-in here for x amount of time, or not at all. (I wrote about that distinction here: https://claritylifeconsulting.com/how-to-know-yourself/abstainer-or-moderator/).
Kerri, I have never thought about this category of abstainer or moderator. I am most decidedly an abstainer. A couple years ago when I turned 40 I gave up coffee and alcohol for the year as a way to reset my central nervous system, and it was so much easier than any of my friends thought it would be. Just having one cup of coffee a day would have been torture by comparison. I just read your essay and found it very helpful. I like the idea of not having a set rule for Substack but just responding to each season of life appropriately. I had made a New Year’s goal that I wouldn’t be on Substack when I’m around my kids, but it turns out I am almost never not with my boys. I just sent someone back to bed who came down to tell me one last important thought from the day. (Amazing how all the thoughts come out in the quiet before sleep.) I am going to revisit this intention and pray if there is a better way for me to be on here in a life-giving way. I love the creative community here! But I was getting sucked into checking it far too often, which the abstainer category actually explains quite well. Thank you for helping me think through all of this!
You’re welcome! Once I discovered that distinction it really helped me when making changes in my own life, especially in areas that are hard. As you say, one cup of coffee a day can feel like torture for some of us! Better to cut it out entirely.
I try (and sometimes fail) to keep Substack to hours when I am not in person with anyone, or when I am working alongside others who are working. I think this would be very difficult in a house full of children!
I was thinking more about this today and suddenly realized why I was so hesitant to do much writing in my early years of motherhood. I still scribbled the occasional wedding or funeral poem, but in many ways my ambition went dormant. I never went on social media until joining Substack in 2025. Not because I’m so self-controlled but rather because I know this all-or-nothing streak in me, and I was so jealously guarding the very important job of motherhood. I felt under qualified to be a mother and knew I was probably going to get terribly distracted by other things. In retrospect, a little more balance would have been helpful, but I couldn’t even explain it in words. I just really wanted to love motherhood as much as I loved our precious babies, and I didn’t really take to the job itself, and the only way I knew how to cope was to dive deeper and deeper into that role. It sounds confusing when I type it out in words, but as I was folding laundry, I was thinking about your essay again and a light bulb went off. Thank you!
I’m so glad this concept has been able to shed light on your past decisions! I find that sometimes, realizing what was going on in the past helps inform what I do in the present.
Totally understand about clothing and feeling comfortable in what you are wearing. To make things easier for myself when getting dressed because decision fatigue is real, I have a small wardrobe and stick to a small neutral color palette. Everything can be paired together and it makes it so much easier each morning 😊
That is such a great approach! I try to have no “outliers” in my closet that force me to buy new things just to go with them :)
I know some people love the creativity of choosing a new outfit but for most of my life it’s been a source of decision fatigue, so I’d rather spend my limited creative energy on cooking a new recipe or writing a new essay.
Funnily enough, I have a haircut and some go-to clothes I can feel good in on my list for 2026 - I definitely think of those things as unnecessary luxuries, but I feel so much better when I "indulge" a little in my appearance, I feel much more confident and just happier in my own skin. Which is a very worthy cause!
Yes it’s helped me so much to shift my mindset from thinking of these as “indulgences” to “practical necessities if I am ever going to focus on other things.”!
Reading this made me think about what I want to keep doing instead of just what I want to change. Thanks for sharing this in such a thoughtful way.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, Victoria! I’m so glad you found it helpful. That’s a wonderful way to phrase it- entering the coming year with things to keep!
Really appreciated the "clarifying yes'es and no's" section here.