Great point! The why behind a decision is the helpful part. Most often, I'm not that interested in parenting/homeschool/marriage articles because they are too didactic and not curious enough, but you've articulated why I find some writers (such as Ruth Gaskovski) helpful where others come off as smug or even pharisaical. I have enjoyed the Bad Moms content way more than the average homeschool essay because the conviviality of their friendship sets a different tone than the "My kids are ahead, and if you follow me yours can be ahead too" tone that can be so common. Can you tell I'm a second-generation homeschooler? Ha! I love it enough to repeat my experience on my own kids, but I get really tired of people talking like it's going to save the world. It's one good choice among many. Sermon over. ;) Thanks for the food for thought.
“Too didactic and not curious enough” - that’s a great way to describe a lot of online material, it seems! And you are absolutely right about the conviviality and friendship setting a different tone. The more I read and write online, the more I realize just how difficult it is to get tone right and how the people I really love reading have mastered the art of being kind, encouraging, patient, reasonable, and not just click-baity or thoughtless.
Yes, yes, yes! I think that tone you define so well is more important than how much they know. Especially if it’s a topic I’m feeling sensitive about (which is almost always parenting and homeschool if we’re in the middle of a move).
I am a Bad Moms Homeschool fan too! I find the open and respectful discussion of varying homeschool methods to be refreshing. I think many people defend their way as the “right” way because they are in fact desperately afraid of being wrong! I was just talking with a friend about how I want to improve my ability to stand back from issues and ponder approaches and options without feeling a need to join a camp. Thanks for these good thoughts on how to go about that!
“Without feeling the need to join a camp”- this is really well put. I feel like everyone wants or at least feels like they should be part of a camp. I wonder how much this societal trend is linked to maybe people not having close family or faith communities? I feel like this trend has gotten worse, not better, since I was younger.
Kerri, I'm so happy that you think our approach to discernment at Bad Moms is useful! Thank you so much for sharing about it (and about my book!).
Your A-G are so helpful. I have been thinking a lot about C and how harshly we can judge ourselves or others when we forget about the "why" and the context behind a prudential decision. Thanks for laying it all out like this!
It’s just so very refreshing to see people write in a positive and encouraging way about variations on how to do something- such a rare thing on the internet, it seems!
When I find myself in a comparison spiral of doom I really have to force myself to name all the whys. (Some of which may be out of my control). It’s a helpful reminder of apples and oranges.
I like your description of "non moral matters." In the natural law tradition, these matters are considered matters of "determination" (or indifference, as termed by Aquinas) - meaning rational minds may disagree on the specific. There is not one right answer. I love how you unpacked this here.
There are two things that must be taken into account when making decisions- "What is?" and "What is good?" (More about those here: https://substack.com/@susanbarico/p-147004546) With these two considered and addressed, there is great freedom. Which is a gift to us all.
Thanks! Yes the Aristotelian-Thomist tradition is of great help in these tricky matters. I often wonder how people who haven’t studied the Nicomachean Ethics or St Thomas on the virtues even go about starting to try and parse out moral from prudential matters. I wish it were taught in all schools!
I did not know it myself till my late 40's and lament it (and studied English and history at elite New England high school and college). Even in seminary in New England where I studied church history I did not learn it. This amazes me now. What richest we are depriving ourselves of...
Great point! The why behind a decision is the helpful part. Most often, I'm not that interested in parenting/homeschool/marriage articles because they are too didactic and not curious enough, but you've articulated why I find some writers (such as Ruth Gaskovski) helpful where others come off as smug or even pharisaical. I have enjoyed the Bad Moms content way more than the average homeschool essay because the conviviality of their friendship sets a different tone than the "My kids are ahead, and if you follow me yours can be ahead too" tone that can be so common. Can you tell I'm a second-generation homeschooler? Ha! I love it enough to repeat my experience on my own kids, but I get really tired of people talking like it's going to save the world. It's one good choice among many. Sermon over. ;) Thanks for the food for thought.
“Too didactic and not curious enough” - that’s a great way to describe a lot of online material, it seems! And you are absolutely right about the conviviality and friendship setting a different tone. The more I read and write online, the more I realize just how difficult it is to get tone right and how the people I really love reading have mastered the art of being kind, encouraging, patient, reasonable, and not just click-baity or thoughtless.
Yes, yes, yes! I think that tone you define so well is more important than how much they know. Especially if it’s a topic I’m feeling sensitive about (which is almost always parenting and homeschool if we’re in the middle of a move).
I am a Bad Moms Homeschool fan too! I find the open and respectful discussion of varying homeschool methods to be refreshing. I think many people defend their way as the “right” way because they are in fact desperately afraid of being wrong! I was just talking with a friend about how I want to improve my ability to stand back from issues and ponder approaches and options without feeling a need to join a camp. Thanks for these good thoughts on how to go about that!
“Without feeling the need to join a camp”- this is really well put. I feel like everyone wants or at least feels like they should be part of a camp. I wonder how much this societal trend is linked to maybe people not having close family or faith communities? I feel like this trend has gotten worse, not better, since I was younger.
It could be. I think what really saddens me is when unnecessary divisions develop within faith communities that desperately need to be unified.
Absolutely! Esp over prudential matters that actually don’t really matter in the end.
Kerri, I'm so happy that you think our approach to discernment at Bad Moms is useful! Thank you so much for sharing about it (and about my book!).
Your A-G are so helpful. I have been thinking a lot about C and how harshly we can judge ourselves or others when we forget about the "why" and the context behind a prudential decision. Thanks for laying it all out like this!
It’s just so very refreshing to see people write in a positive and encouraging way about variations on how to do something- such a rare thing on the internet, it seems!
When I find myself in a comparison spiral of doom I really have to force myself to name all the whys. (Some of which may be out of my control). It’s a helpful reminder of apples and oranges.
Thanks for this piece. Helpful - and wise.
I like your description of "non moral matters." In the natural law tradition, these matters are considered matters of "determination" (or indifference, as termed by Aquinas) - meaning rational minds may disagree on the specific. There is not one right answer. I love how you unpacked this here.
There are two things that must be taken into account when making decisions- "What is?" and "What is good?" (More about those here: https://substack.com/@susanbarico/p-147004546) With these two considered and addressed, there is great freedom. Which is a gift to us all.
Thanks! Yes the Aristotelian-Thomist tradition is of great help in these tricky matters. I often wonder how people who haven’t studied the Nicomachean Ethics or St Thomas on the virtues even go about starting to try and parse out moral from prudential matters. I wish it were taught in all schools!
I did not know it myself till my late 40's and lament it (and studied English and history at elite New England high school and college). Even in seminary in New England where I studied church history I did not learn it. This amazes me now. What richest we are depriving ourselves of...