Why It’s Helpful to Observe Other People’s Discernment
Especially when it’s different
Not too long ago my friend Dixie started a substack with two other homeschooling moms. While I’m not a homeschooling mother myself, I’ve found it fascinating to read their posts about various aspects of their educational choices. Dixie Dillon Lane, Ivana Greco, and Nadya Williams are three very intelligent Christian women who often make different—even opposing—decisions about matters which are not in themselves moral – but are also not insignificant to how they live their lives. They use different curricula, have different policies surrounding technology use, and make very different choices about schooling during the summer months.
Now maybe you are not a homeschooling parent and never will be. Why should this interest you? Because while the content of what they’re writing about may have nothing to do with your life, the method they’re using to approach these conversations is one we can all learn from.
They aren’t saying: this is the only and best way to do things. Everyone should do what we do. Instead, they’re saying: here’s what’s working for our situations right now, and here’s why. Maybe by explaining what we do, it could help you think a bit more about what you want to do.
Paying attention to varied (and yes, even opposing!) opinions/ experiences regarding prudential (aka non-moral) matters can be extremely helpful for our own discernment because:
(A) we can see that it really is legitimate and even good to choose differently in non-moral matters
(B) we can see that other people’s circumstances and reasoning patterns might be very different or similar to our own, which means that what they choose and why they choose it may match up more or less closely to our own circumstances and reasoning patterns
(C) we can stop comparing only the what, which tends to lead to unhappiness
(D) we can learn to think about our own why and whether or not we want to adjust it
(E) we can stop feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with guilt (again, prudential matters)
(F) we can see other people making different choices confidently and charitably
(G) we can be freed from the misconception that there is only one right way and we are doing it right (or wrong)
Without this approach, it can be tempting to simply want to copy another person’s what: “she decided to use a computer-based math program so I should too.” But what’s helpful here is the why. Do you have children who are similar ages with similar learning struggles? Do you want your day to look like hers? Do you have comparable amounts of natural energy? What about home size, or help, or financial resources? Do you have the same vision of education and the same goals for your children?
All of these things matter for discernment, and by paying attention to how and why different people make different decisions, we can be encouraged to steward our own unique lives well.
I’d love to hear from you - is this a familiar concept? A new one? Take the poll and/ or leave a comment :)
P.S. If you are interested in home education, and/ or why people might have chosen to homeschool in the US, historically, Dixie’s got a book out on this very topic! It’s called Skipping School: A History of American Homeschooling and How It Went Mainstream. Read more here.