
In case you missed it, in the last two weeks, I’ve written about how God usually speaks to us, and how we need to listen like the kind of creatures that we are. This essay is the third and final in this mini-series of sorts.
Part of my work involves helping my clients sort through the various options they’re discerning, whether it be job choices, volunteer opportunities, or hobbies they might want to explore. And while each person and situation is different, a conversation that inevitably comes up will go something like this:
Me: Ok, let’s look at options A, B, and C. Tell me which you’re leaning toward.
Client: Well… I really like option A, but I feel like I ought to choose option C.
Me: Can you say more about that?
Client (upbeat tone): Option A would be a lot of fun. It’s something I’ve been thinking about doing more of in life, and it would be a great way to explore that more.
Me: And what about option C?
Client (flat voice): Option C is a smart choice. I know it would be good for me. A friend told me she thinks I would be the perfect fit for it and it pays well. I would feel guilty passing it up.
Me: And how do you feel when you think about choosing option C?
Client (sighs): Exhausted.
Our Bodies Are Expressive
My consulting calls take place over the phone,1 which means I can’t see my client’s body language; but I can hear it. After years of doing this (and after working with a particular client over time), I’m attuned to the changes that happen in someone’s voice when they’re discerning different things.
Some options act like a weight: the tone drops, often someone sighs or mumbles, the smile disappears from their voice. Other options give someone a sense of lightness: the tone goes up, they sound upbeat, sometimes they laugh, and I can tell that they’re smiling.
We all know the difference between someone who sounds tired and someone who sounds excited. Why? Because our bodies usually do a good job of expressing our emotions, unless we’ve trained them not to.
Of course, discernment isn’t primarily about surface-level emotions. Being hangry because I need a snack isn’t necessarily indicative of anything other than, well, needing a snack.
But discernment is the spiritual art and practical skill of sifting out what’s relevant and irrelevant, timely and untimely, helpful and unhelpful, in the questions we’re holding and the decisions we want to make. It’s doing all of that in relationship- in dialogue- with God.
We’ve talked about how it can be tempting to skip the dialogue and the sorting and jump straight to asking God to shout at us from the heavens, and how in most ordinary situations, He doesn’t do that. Instead, he treats us like the rational and free creatures that we are as part of the natural universe, and asks us to cultivate a relationship with him in place of robotic, formulaic problem-solving.
But being part of the natural universe means that we have bodies. Human persons are body-soul unities, which means that when we discern, we aren’t only using our minds.
Why Our Bodies are Helpful in Discernment
Often, our rational minds are excellent at giving objectively good reasons for things. This is a great skill, especially if we’re tempted to do something that’s wrong. It’s good to have a mind that’s been formed to know the reasons why things are wrong and should be avoided/ rejected.
But discernment is never about a choice between good and evil, because there’s nothing to weigh up: we just don’t choose evil. Discernment is about a choice between goods. So when we’re discerning multiple objectively good or neutral options, it’s not always very helpful to have our minds give good reasons for things, because each good option will have accompanying good reasons to do it!
If you’ve ever been stuck in this place in discernment–multiple good options, all with good reasons–it can be really helpful to start listening with your body.
Here are a few ways to do that:
Practical Exercises to Help You Listen With Your Body
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