Figure Out When
#5 in a New Year's Resolutions Series
It’s all well and good to have reviewed the past, set manageable goals that work for you, with a method that incorporates proven success from your life. But if you never make time to actually do the things, or check-in on your progress, December will roll around and you’ll be scrambling to get it all done.
Habit gurus will tell you that it’s important to set aside regular time to achieve your goals: do the same thing at the same time every day. These gurus, however, often seem to live lives that are free of interruptions. They aren’t dealing with small children, elderly parents, friends with needs, chronic health issues, or fluctuating energy levels due to shifting hormones which are actually part of the design of being a healthy woman in childbearing years (bearing children or not.)
So, if you can do the same thing at the same time every day, and it works for you, great! Do that.
But if you’re living a life that has any form of community or responsibility for others built into it, that’s probably not realistic. It doesn’t mean you’re destined to fail; it just means you need a different method, and even more importantly, a different mindset.
Shifting Mindsets: “Village Hustle” vs. Monadic Hermit
If you embrace what stand-up comedian, best-selling author and mother of six Jen Fulwiler calls “the village hustle,”1 then you know that getting interrupted by other people is actually part of the plan, because your goals fit into a bigger picture of caring about and for other people, and letting them care about and for you.
You’ve embraced a community life, not the life of a monadic hermit who lives alone in complete silence, independent of everyone and responsible for no one.
What does Village Hustle Life look like? Instead of being annoyed that your friend called to talk about her stress at work when it’s time for you to be writing your novel, you’ll let her unload what’s on her mind. (And you might even find a bit of inspiration for the scene that’s giving you writer’s block.) Instead of telling your grandmother that you can’t visit because you’ve got to study for that exam, you’ll swing by her house (and probably end up telling her all about your studies anyway.)
With a village hustle mindset, you also won’t be afraid to ask your sister to watch the kids so that you can get some quiet time to work on your goals, or to accept that you can’t both make a fabulous dinner and write a fabulous essay, so frozen pizza is going to have to be good enough tonight: no guilt, because your roommates are keen to support your efforts.
With this more flexible mindset, you can then make (loosely-held) plans about when to work on your goals.
Plan When to Try
There are two time-related elements to achieving your goals. First, when you’re going to work on them, and second, when you’re going to check-in.
Even in a flexible, village-hustle life you can’t make no plans for when you’re going to take action.
Choose a time when you’ll have at least some energy, and do your best to “habit stack” this new practice onto something you already do regularly, so it’s easy habituate.
If you want to learn to knit, leave your knitting where you usually sit to have your regular cup of tea in the evenings. After you finish sipping, take up the needles. Or, if you usually wake up early to take the dog for a walk, and your goal is to read more, can you read a chapter when you get back from walking?
Take a realistic look at your calendar, and choose a time that seems manageable. You may need to sacrifice something else. Can you give up making dinner one night a week? Can someone else do carpool? Can you forgo drinks after work on Thursdays? Can you leave the dinner dishes until the morning?
It may happen that you have to cancel your new plans some or even most of the time; but you won’t know unless you try. Try to choose a regular(-ish) time, and see what happens.
Plan When to Check-In
Then—this is the second element—try it for a designated period of time. Let’s say you want to work on your goals for one hour per week. Put a note on your calendar for six weeks from now to revisit the plan, and stick to it until then. How did it go? If it’s not working, try something new. If it’s mostly working, stick with it for another period of time.
When you check in with yourself regularly (or someone else, if accountability helps you) it gives you an opportunity to tweak your goals and your method.
Six weeks into growing herbs, you may decide that you don’t actually like it and don’t mind just buying them from the grocery store.
Three months into writing your novel, you may realize that you’re actually writing a play.
Six months into learning to cook, you may recognize that you have enough recipes under your belt to turn aside from that goal and put your energies into a new one.
But you’ll never discover anything if you don’t make a plan to check in with yourself.
Decide when you’re going to try to work on your goals, and when you’re going to check in.
(If you’re using the free worksheets from the first installment, use the “when” column to note your plans.)
In the spirit of gentle accountability, I’m inviting paid subscribers to join me in the comments section. Would you like to share a goal that you’ve made for this year? It can be as big or small as you’d like! In three months, we’ll check in. (I’ll go first.)
This is the fifth installment in a series on New Year’s Resolutions. The whole series:
Part 1 : “Before Making Any New Year’s Resolutions, Do This” (Free for everyone, including downloadable worksheets)
Part 2: “Why Things Work (or Don’t)” (Free for everyone)
Part 3: “Setting Goals for Our (Actual) Selves” (Free for everyone)
Part 4: “Find Your Method: Six Things to Consider” (For paid subscribers, with an audio recording)
Part 5: “Figure Out When” (For paid subscribers)
If you’d like some help making good resolutions, figuring out what works for you in your actual life, and building helpful habits to support you as you live the unique life God is calling you to, that’s what I do! Explore 1:1 life consulting, or set up a free 30-minute call by clicking here:
Here's one goal I have (and my process of arriving at it). During the Advent season, I tried to have a bit more “handiwork” to help me foster more interior silence, as well as give my brain a little break from all the writing and reading that I do, usually on screens. I really enjoyed it, especially since our house has a wood stove and it’s really cozy to sit by the fire in the evening with some needlework.
I got a cheap cross-stitch pattern, bought some thread that I liked (as opposed to the colours that came with the kit), and gave myself permission to NOT do it “the right way.” I also focused on letting myself enjoy the process and not worry about the outcome or what I would do with the finished product. I kept it in an easily accessible place and had exactly 0 specific goals around it (10 minutes a day or so many stitches), because they would have made it feel like work and not fun. I just did it whenever I wanted.
Because this worked for me, I’m going to try to repeat/ continue it in the new year. My goal is simply to spend some time with handiwork (cross stitch, coloring, collaging, maybe knitting, whatever!) fairly regularly. That’s as specific as I need to be with myself, for now. We’ll see how it’s going in 3 months!