Find Your Method: Six Things to Consider
#4 in a New Year's Resolutions Series
In this process of making good, achievable New Year’s Resolutions, we’ve reviewed what worked and what didn’t in the past (Step 1), we’ve considered why things worked or didn’t (Step 2), and we’ve gotten clarity on what our actual goals are for our actual selves and lives (Step 3). Now, we’re going to figure out the best method for achieving those actual goals (Step 4).
This is a long one, so I’ve included an audio recording here for paid subscribers if you prefer to listen:
There are a lot of methods and systems for making and achieving your goals. There are a lot of books written by experts on the topic. There are a lot of people selling you “the best” way to do it.
I’m here to tell you: there is no morally best method for setting and achieving goals. The best way is the way that actually works for you! Here are six things to take into consideration as you decide on a method that will serve you in the phase of life that you’re in:
1. Learn From the Past
In the past, you have actually done some things that you wanted to do, or that you consider important. Look back on your analysis - what do the positives have in common?
For example, did your success in learning to grow herbs stem from how easy you made it for yourself? You bypassed taking a class or doing in-depth research, and just tried and sought advice when needed?
Similarly, did you manage cook dinner most nights because you made it simple by having a rota of meals that eliminated the need to make a new decision every night?
If you notice that “ease” is a common theme in your success, embrace it! The simpler you can make things for yourself, the better.
Now, look back on the negatives - what do they have in common?
Maybe the reason that you didn’t go to the gym or cook dinner every night and ate a lot of frozen pizza instead was that you were just so tired. You needed some down time and scrolled your phone every night to decompress, which actually made it harder to sleep, and the idea of not sleeping made you not sleep even more.
If you notice that “exhaustion” is a common theme, pay attention! The more you can focus on the root cause, the better.
Look for patterns of success and patterns of failure: imitate the success, and eliminate the root cause of failure. Don’t repeat what isn’t working; repeat what is.
2. Figure Out What Motivates You and What Doesn’t
Did you know that there are some people who plunge into the freezing cold sea on New Year’s Day? And they do it for fun??
I am told there are also people who run marathons for fun. My friend bakes intricately beautiful desserts for fun. My husband watches a show where guys get stung by poisonous insects for fun.
These things puzzle me, but I have reached an age in life where “to each their own” has become a mantra.
In my university years and early twenties, I would often get cajoled into doing things that everyone else assured me was fun: loud parties, big crowds, camping, anything remotely athletic. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t think it was fun. Now I know that (1) fun is not the same for everyone, and (2) “fun” is not always a great motivator for me.
Figure out what motivates you, not your friends or family or colleagues.
Look over the previous year - do you see any common threads of motivation?
Does “going outside” motivate you? Make it the occasion for as many other things as possible. Plan your dinner menu on the back porch if you want to do more meal planning. Go for a walk while your call your cousin if you want to talk to your family more. Take a book down to the lake if you want to read more.
Does “helping your family” motivate you? Frame your goals in relation to it: “it will help my family be more present to each other if we don’t have the TV on all the time.” “It will help my family know each other better if we foster good conversations around the dinner table.” “It would help my family if I got a good night’s sleep and wasn’t grumpy with exhaustion all the time.”
3. Choose a Method of Goal Setting that Incorporates What You Find Motivational
Now that you know what motivates you, leverage that knowledge to help you achieve your goals.
Do you prefer casual vs. formal learning? Note down some people you can chat with about areas you want to grow in, or places you can visit where there will be experts scattered about. Think: park rangers, historical site guides, small shop owners, your uncle who’s really into book collecting.
Do you love checking off boxes of achievement? Make a list of the specific things you want to do and put that list in a prominent place. Get one of those habit trackers where you can check a box every day.
Do you find a list de-motivating, but a weekly coffee with a friend encouraging? Call or text your friend and ask what days and times are best.
Does a quiet hour by yourself appeal? Choose a recurring time and place every week to make it a regular part of your life. If you have small children, talk with your spouse about how important it is and how the two of you can work together to make it happen.
4. Be Specific Enough for You
The granularity of your goals depends on what level of detail you find helpful.
If last year you really did “watch less TV,” then “less” is specific enough for you.
If you didn’t watch less, then you may want to say, “I’ll watch my 2 favourite shows and nothing else” or, “I’ll watch TV only on Saturdays.”
Some people find too much specificity overwhelming; others find it freeing. Experiment to find the level that works for you.
5. Set Goals for Actions that Are in Your Control; Not for Outcomes that Aren’t
We do not have control over other people, so setting goals that depend on them is a recipe for disappointment.
If your goal is to “have a better relationship with family,” that’s not entirely up to you. You can, however, decide to take certain actions. “I’ll call my grandmother twice a month,” or “I’ll take my niece shopping for her birthday,” or “I will invite my siblings over for a monthly dinner.” Whether or not the relationship improves, you’ve done what you can do.
Similarly if your goal is to “get published,” that’s not something you can control. You can set a goal to finish a manuscript, or query agents, or research publishing houses, but whether or not your book is chosen isn’t up to you.
Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t.
6. Make a Plan with Steps that Are “Bite-Sized” for You
You know those snacks that are advertised as “bite-sized”? I wonder about the researchers who developed this concept because sometimes those snacks are so tiny that it takes three of them to equal one bite, and other times they’re so large that it takes three bites to get through one! It just goes to show that everyone has a different sized mouth.
Well, everyone also has a different understanding of what a “manageable” step is in goal-setting.
Some people love the minutia; some people want to die of boredom with it. If you plan to write a book, you may want to commit to 2,000 words per day, or you may want to give yourself one month per chapter.
Don’t be afraid to experiment or shift as you go through different seasons of life.
Summary
Remember, the best method to achieve your goals is the one that actually works for you.
Be attentive to what has and hasn’t worked in the past; identify and deal with root causes of failure; learn what motivates you and use it to succeed; set goals that are specific enough for you; plan actions that are in your control rather than outcomes that aren’t; and break things down into steps that are manageable for you because “bite-sized” is different for everyone.
(If you’re using the free worksheets, use the ‘how’ column to write down your method for achieving your goals.)
The whole series:
Part 1 : “Before Making Any New Year’s Resolutions, Do This” (Free for everyone, including downloadable worksheets)
Part 2: “Why Things Work (or Don’t)” (Free for everyone)
Part 3: “Setting Goals for Our (Actual) Selves” (Free for everyone)
Part 4: “Find Your Method: Six Things to Consider” (For paid subscribers, with an audio recording)
Part 5: “Figure Out When” (For paid subscribers)
If you’d like some help making good resolutions, figuring out what works for you in your actual life, and building helpful habits to support you as you live the unique life God is calling you to, that’s what I do! Explore 1:1 life consulting, or set up a free 30-minute call by clicking here: